📜 LESSON I
DE PATATA ET PRIMIS REBUS
Of the Potato and the First Things
🔔 [The Convent bell rings.]
The students enter the classroom in silence.
Sister Potato appears before the blackboard with a potato resting on a velvet cushion.
Solemn silence.
Sister Piety, from the back:
“Why is it on a cushion?”
Sister Potato:
“Institutional respect.”
📿 Mother Patience, from the hallway:
“HERE WE GO.”
📖 PRINCIPIUM
Sister Potato writes:
IN PRINCIPIO ERAT PATATA.
Then turns to the class.
“Translation?”
One student timidly raises her hand:
“In the beginning, there was a potato?”
Sister Potato smiles proudly.
“EXCELLENT.”
Sister Pietat:
“And then?”
Sister Potato:
“We’ll see about that later.”
🥔 VOCABULARIUM PRIMUM
| Potatistic Latin | English |
|---|---|
| Patata | Potato |
| Patatae | Of the Potato, for the Potato, or something similar |
| Patatus | A Potato with authority |
| Patatam | A Potato in complicated circumstances |
| Patatis | Many Potatoes or an administrative problem |
Silence.
One student:
“Sister Potato… is this grammatically correct?”
Sister Potato:
“IT IS POTATISTICALLY CORRECT.”
📿 Mother Patience:
“THAT DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!”
📜 PRIMA REGULA
EVERY POTATISTIC SENTENCE MUST CONTAIN AT LEAST ONE POTATO.
Correct example:
PATATA EST BONA.
Better example:
MAGNA PATATA EST MAGNA.
Academically perfect example:
O MAGNA PATATA, PATATAE PATATARUM!
Sister Pietat:
“And what does that mean?”
Sister Potato:
“We don’t know yet.”
✍️ EXERCITIUM PRIMUM
Translate:
PATATA PATATAM PATATIS.
One student:
“It doesn’t have a verb.”
Sister Potato:
“VERY GOOD OBSERVATION.”
“So…?”
Sister Potato:
“IT DOESN’T NEED ONE.”
📿 Mother Patience enters the classroom.
She looks at the blackboard.
She looks at the potato on the cushion.
She looks at Sister Potato.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Sister Potato:
“The foundations of the language.”
Mother Patience:
“WITH A POTATO?”
Sister Potato:
“It’s the first lesson.”
Mother Patience closes her eyes.
Takes a deep breath.
And leaves.
From the hallway:
