A Popular Report by Sister Potato of Lourdes Foo-Foo
“The earth does more than nourish. It also protects.”
—Sister Potato of Lourdes Foo-Foo… why do potatoes have to be planted so deep?
Sister Potato observes the garden for a few moments.
She adjusts her veil.
And answers with absolute serenity.
—To preserve their privacy.
A long silence.
The journalist takes notes.
—Their… privacy?
—Naturally.
—Why?
—Because potatoes are very discreet.
—We didn’t know that.
—That is why I’m explaining it to you.
The journalist continues writing.
—What would happen if they were left too exposed?
Sister Potato lowers her voice.
—They would become nervous.
—Ah…
—A nervous potato never ends well.
—Is that a scientific fact?
—It is common sense.
The journalist decides not to argue.
—Are there any other protective measures?
—Yes.
—What are they?
—Do not stare at them.
—I understand.
—Do not point at them.
—Of course.
—Nor make comments about their size.
The journalist stops taking notes.
At that moment, Sister Piety of the Absurd Sorrows appears.
—I have always thought that a potato needs to feel respected.
—Exactly.
—When a potato feels observed…
—…it grows sprouts.
Silence.
The journalist slowly raises his head.
—Excuse me…
—Yes?
—Don’t the sprouts… appear because the potato germinates?
Sister Potato looks at him with a mixture of compassion and disappointment.
—That is the official theory.
Sister Piety nods very seriously.
—Reality is more delicate.
The journalist closes his notebook.
He decides that sometimes there are questions that are better left unasked.
Chronicle Note
The Higher Institute of Applied Pantry Science continues to investigate the relationship between potato privacy and the appearance of sprouts.
The preliminary results are inconclusive.
Gregorius has requested that no one interview Sister Potato again without the presence of a responsible adult.
The request remains pending resolution.
