FACULTY OF APPLIED FRESQUEROLOGY
📚 Doctoral Thesis — Year 2187
«Comparative Analysis of Heritage Gnawing in the Late Gregorian Period.»
Thesis Supervisor
🥔 Sister Potato IV
Examination Committee
👴 Gregorius VII, Chief Archivist
(very tired)
🥒 Happy Cucumber Jr.
🍄 Professor of Applied Cinnamonology
🍷 Official Representative of the Unpresentables
(of the lineage of Barrelbreaker–Potbasher–Messington–Bottomgrabber)
Temporarily disqualified for hereditary repeat offending.
ABSTRACT
The present research aims to determine:
Who ate Version 2?
🥹📂
After thirty-two years of study, four archaeological excavations, and two international symposiums, the conclusions remain unclear.
Hypothesis A
It was a mushroom.
Hypothesis B
It was an Unpresentable.
Hypothesis C
It was Gregorius during a blood-sugar drop.
(Hypothesis rejected due to an absolute lack of sense of humor.)
😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣
Hypothesis D
“The door was extraordinarily beautiful.”
The committee considers this theory the most solid.
💀💀💀💀💀
APPENDIX II
A partial fragment of the original document has been located.
Only the following words can be read:
“…prohibited…”
“…little nibble…”
“…Cola Cao…”
“…Gregorius did not approve…”
😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣
CONCLUSIONS
The authorship of the events could not be determined.
However, all sources agree that:
“The artist seemed very happy.”
🥹💜
COMMITTEE NOTE
It is recommended that the regulations concerning the gnawing of historical heritage be declared Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity, given their high cultural value and complete lack of legal value.
A student of the future closes the thesis, sighs, and says to his professor:
“…but Professor… nobody explains why there was a Happy Cucumber.”
And the professor, very seriously, replies:
“That, dear student… is one of the Greater Mysteries of The Attic.”
(Gregorius has officially banned this conversation. The ban has been ignored.)
