On the Acceptable Number of Crumbs on the Cloister Table
“To prevent entirely avoidable disputes that nevertheless occur with troubling frequency.”
Article I
The presence of a few crumbs on the table after breakfast shall be considered normal.
Article II
A few crumbs shall be understood to mean a quantity that cannot be counted without sighing.
Article III
If the crumbs form a recognizable pattern, they shall no longer be considered crumbs and shall instead be classified as accidental decoration.
Article IV
Should a crumb fall to the floor, the first person to notice it shall have the right to ignore it for up to three deep breaths.
Article V
If Sister Potato declares, “It can still be saved,” this Protocol shall be temporarily suspended.
Article VI
Sister Piety is prohibited from blowing the crumbs toward the end of the table while saying:
“They’re not mine anymore.”
This practice was declared insufficiently monastic during the Council of Toasts of Year XII.
Article VII
Sister Chastity once asked:
“Do crumbs miss the bread too?”
The community agreed not to answer immediately.
Mother Patience is still thinking about it.
Additional Provision
Father Gregorius proposed sweeping the table.
Father Aurelius looked up from the parchment and asked:
“Before they’ve been documented?”
The proposal was rejected.
Appendix I
Should the crumbs weigh more than the original slice of toast…
…it is recommended to start over.
“Compliance with this Protocol does not guarantee an effective reduction in the number of crumbs. It does, however, contribute significantly to the spiritual peace of the community.”
Aurelius, Chronicler of The Attic
