On the separation of powers, excessively sleek turnips, and the unjustified presence of zucchinis in official premises
3.1. The powers of The Attic are divided into:
a) Executive Power;
b) Legislative Power;
c) Judicial Power;
d) Gregorius’s Power to claim that he knew nothing about it.
The latter shall be independent, irresponsible, and surprisingly difficult to locate after five o’clock.
3.2. No turnip may simultaneously hold more than one public office if it displays a degree of sleekness exceeding the level permitted by regulation.
Sleekness shall be assessed by the Technical Commission for Turnips and Other Elements Excessively Convinced of Their Own Importance, through visual inspection, prudent palpation, and, in exceptional cases, a prolonged stare.
3.3. A turnip excessively sleek shall be defined as one that:
a) enters a meeting without having been invited;
b) occupies a chair with excessive confidence;
c) says, “I’ll take care of this”;
d) has its own folder;
e) has been seen speaking quietly with a cucumber.
In such cases, the turnip shall be placed under discreet administrative surveillance, unless it is already a member of the commission responsible for monitoring it.
3.4. The unjustified presence of zucchinis is prohibited in:
a) official offices;
b) meeting rooms;
c) archives containing sensitive documents;
d) drawers that lock;
e) any place where Gregorius says, “There’s nothing here.”
The mere appearance of a shiny zucchini on a table shall result in the immediate opening of a file.
If the zucchini is very shiny, two files shall be opened.
3.5. Cucumbers holding public office shall be required to declare annually:
a) assets;
b) conflicts of interest;
c) the number of known jars of honey;
d) a list of turnips with whom they have held conversations lasting more than four minutes;
e) any notes taken while staring intently at a vegetable.
False statements in such declarations shall be punished by the temporary removal of the official seal and the obligation to sit next to Aurelius for an entire meeting.
3.6. No zucchini may be appointed Director General solely on the grounds of being shiny.
However, if it is very shiny and wears a necktie, the Board may consider the matter.
3.7. The separation of powers shall be respected at all times, especially at snack time.
Accordingly:
a) the Executive Power shall execute;
b) the Legislative Power shall legislate;
c) the Judicial Power shall judge;
d) the honey gnome shall touch nothing.
3.8. Any attempt to concentrate all three powers in a single person shall be considered contrary to the Constitution.
Any attempt to concentrate them in a turnip shall be considered, in addition, reckless.
3.9. If a cucumber, a turnip, and a zucchini are found gathered behind a closed door, the Protocol 7-B for Unreported Institutional Horticultural Confluence shall be activated immediately.
The protocol shall consist of:
a) knocking on the door;
b) waiting;
c) knocking again;
d) asking, “What are you doing?”;
e) not believing the answer.
3.10. If an amorous clam appears during an inspection, proceedings shall be suspended until someone explains what it is doing there.
If nobody knows, the clam shall be placed provisionally under the authority of the Department of Culture.
ADDITIONAL PROVISION ONE
Turnips displaying excessive sleekness that already held public office before this Article came into force shall have thirty (30) days to reduce their sleekness, resign from office, or learn how to disguise it.
ADDITIONAL PROVISION TWO
The shininess of a zucchini shall not constitute sufficient evidence of corruption.
But it certainly won’t help.
TRANSITIONAL PROVISION
Until the corresponding Technical Commission is established, the sleekness of turnips shall be determined by Mother Patience with a single look.
Her decision shall be final.
FINAL PROVISION
This Article shall enter into force the day after its publication in the OAT — Official Annals of The Attic, except for Section 3.6, which shall enter into force when someone finds a necktie the size of a zucchini.
