Professor Gàrdnerius MacOnion

Chair of the Great Onion
University of Onionshire

The Function of Purple Onions in the Cycle of Life
Inaugural Lecture, 2026–2027 Academic Year

Professor Gàrdnerius MacOnion
Chair of the Great Onion
University of Onionshire

The classes of Sir Gàrdnerius MacOnion are unlike any others.

He speaks with contagious passion about his great thesis on the Great Onion, filling the blackboard with layers, numbers, and annotations that only he seems to understand…

And when he reaches the climax of the lecture, he puts down the chalk, picks up his bagpipes, and continues the lesson as only he can.

His students still aren’t sure whether they are attending a class, a thesis defense, or a concert.

But nobody leaves early.

📚Professor Oniolian Oniona

Ceborian History and Memory

She teaches Ceborian History and Memory and is one of the few people who still remember certain episodes that the University prefers to keep conveniently out of the textbooks.

She has an extraordinary memory and a curious tendency to interrupt her classes whenever a student utters certain words.

Especially if someone says “Great Onion.”

When asked what exactly happened, she always gives the same answer:

“You weren’t there.”

And continues with the lesson.

📚 Courses she teaches

— Ceborian History and Memory I
— History of Events Worth Remembering
— Archives, Rumours and Other Forms of Institutional Memory
— Introduction to History That Doesn’t Appear in the Textbooks
— Practical Workshop: How to Tell Whether One Version of Events Is the Correct One

🧅 Special Seminar

The Great Onion: Memory, Silence and Consequences

Limited places.
The reason for the limitation is not recorded in the archives.

📚Professor Onionphonse of the Great Onion

Gnomish History and Tradition

Professor specializing in the origins, evolution and customs of gnomish communities, with particular attention to ancient traditions, runes, underground cartography, and other knowledge nobody had asked for.

📚 Courses he teaches

  • Gnomish History and Tradition — because this is officially his field of expertise.
  • Applied Underground Cartography — he knows where all the tunnels are. Nobody knows why.
  • Runes, Stones and Other Things Nobody Needed to Know.
  • Genealogy of the Noble Onions — with family trees that, for some reason, have roots.
  • Ceremonial Protocols for Absolutely Unnecessary Situations.
  • History of Wars Nobody Remembers Starting.
  • Introduction to the Toponymy of Places That No Longer Exist.
  • Archaeology of the Lost-and-Found Drawer.
  • Advanced Interpretation of Badly Drawn Maps.
  • Diplomacy Between Gnomes Who Don’t Like Each Other.

🧅 Special Seminar

“The Great Onion: Origins, Development and Consequences”

Previous completion of Introduction to Onions is recommended.

Asking what the Great Onion actually is is not recommended.

🏛️ Professor Gertrude Darkonion

Director of the University of Onionshire

She is responsible for ensuring the proper functioning of the institution, compliance with the rules and, above all, making sure that nobody asks absurd questions during faculty meetings.

They say that under her direction, the University operates with impeccable precision.

No one dares to check.

🎓 THE FIRST COURSE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ONIONSHIRE

The doors of the University are already open.

The classrooms are ready.

The books are spread across the tables.

The candle is still holding on.

All that is missing are the students.

And nobody knows exactly when the course begins.

📜 INAUGURAL COURSE

Introduction to Onionshirean Thought

Places available: probably.
Schedule: we’ll let you know.
Faculty: currently being located.
Required materials: notebook, pen, and a reasonably Onionshirean attitude.

And I’d end with:

The University of Onionshire awaits you.

If you know where it is, that is.

Trending now

night-bayou-14
Bayou Nights
Quiet Woods Ephemera Papers
Quiet Woods Ephemera Papers
violet-pixie-18
Violet Faeries
pale-rose-ephemera-papers-49
Pale Rose Ephemera Papers