The Case of the Keyboard That Wanted to Type Gregorius
📜 GENERAL DIRECTORATE OF APPLIED FRESQUEROLOGY
CASE FILE No. 47-G
After an exhaustive investigation, the Technical Commission has determined that:
FULL RESPONSIBILITY LIES WITH THE KEYBOARD.
The incident occurred during an ordinary session of activity in The Attic, when the system detected an unauthorized linguistic substitution.
The intended word was:
GREGORIUS
The word produced was:
GROGORIUS
The Commission initially considered that this might have been an isolated error.
It was not.
⚖️ THE TRIAL
The keyboard was immediately summoned before the Fresquerological Tribunal.
The atmosphere was solemn.
Ancient stone.
Wood darkened by time.
Candles flickering beneath the monastery vaults.
Aurelius presided over the session.
Sister Potato took the minutes.
The Unpresentables watched from the back of the room with an attitude the Commission would later describe as “suspiciously calm.”
The keyboard was placed before the tribunal.
⌨️ STATEMENT OF THE ACCUSED
—Objection! I only wanted to type Gregorius!
Silence.
A key fell to the floor.
The space bar wept.
Gregorius slowly raised his eyes.
—Proceed.
⚠️ TECHNICAL REPORT
The subsequent analysis revealed that the keyboard had been subjected to prolonged exposure to:
- delicate humidity;
- continuous Attic activity;
- an unusual presence of freshness;
- and other environmental factors still awaiting classification.
The Commission determined that these conditions may have caused an involuntary orthographic-Fresquerological improvisation.
Windows, consulted as a technical expert, issued the following statement:
⚠️ An involuntary substitution of Gregorius for Grogorius has been detected.
The Commission considered the warning “concerning, but consistent with previous incidents.”
🥔 STATEMENT FROM SISTER POTATO
Sister Potato, a specialist in delicate humidity, was called to testify.
After examining the keyboard for several seconds, she delivered her diagnosis:
“It is a classic case of delicate-humidity keys.”
She refused to elaborate.
The Commission considers that no further explanation was necessary.
🍷 STATEMENT FROM THE UNPRESENTABLES
The Unpresentables, present as observers, requested permission to speak.
—It happens to us too.
Gregorius asked:
—What happens to you?
—After the third mezcal, we improvise too.
The statement was entered into the record.
It was not considered particularly useful.
But highly revealing.
📜 FINAL RULING
After deliberating for a period which official documents simply describe as “the necessary amount of time,” the Technical Commission issued its ruling:
THERE WILL BE NO SANCTION.
The keyboard is hereby exonerated from all responsibility.
It is nevertheless advised to:
- avoid excessively fresh environments;
- maintain a prudent distance from delicate humidity;
- and, whenever possible, refrain from improvising the names of saints.
GREGORIUS’ CONCLUSION
Gregorius closed the file with a single observation:
“I thought so.”
And thus the Grogorius Case is officially resolved.
Because everyone knows that…
keyboards, when left alone with delicate humidity, also tend to improvise.
🙏 Saint Gregorius —without the extra “o”, by express order of the keyboard—, ora pro nobis.
And may Mother Fresquera protect us.
📂 END OF CASE FILE 47-G
